Return

Sharing my Friday morning thoughts about diving into the concept of not waiting until Eventually, longing for Learning, having meaningful Interactions, striving for Slowness, and finally a brief “see you later” with the last entry of Everything - it fulfilled my August writing challenge and I was ready for a break.

Not because I lost interest in writing or interest in building community through small Friday morning thoughts ,but because I realized that just because I was able to function at the pace I was going, it does not mean it was what was best for me. And in the spirit of authenticity, I was not in fact able to function at that pace. I realized I could not build community and be a good neighbor and be my fullest creative self if I was running on empty quite literally almost every day. I couldn’t be the best Elise Ryan I could be.

I left the interwebs to untangle the web of my thoughts, and I wish I would sit and write to you that it’s all detangled, it is not and should not be!

Have you ever seen a spiderweb and thought it was beautiful? The intricacies, the patterns, the impact of surrounding factors, the way the morning dew sits on the strands, and the way it holds onto whatever is around them. We can think of ourselves as spiderwebs, but that also means we are very delicate.

I did find one strand that I needed to cut, one strand that was interwoven into every single event and day and night and day and night. This strand tormented me deeply and told me I was unworthy and unfit for living a full life, this strand told me it had all my life’s answers at the bottom of a bottle. I felt held hostage by the web of addiction and anxiety and grief and loss and more addiction and suddenly I found myself on my path to sobriety.

I had found my new challenge.

August was full of creative writing and aesthetically curating my photos and playlists to share.

On August 28, 2025 I woke up sober - but this time was different. That is now my sobriety date and I do not want a new one. That was 58 days ago if anyone is counting!

I found my new challenge.

Within the sober community I found the longing for learning that I was craving, the meaningful interaction with incredible fellow human beings, I definitely felt the SLOWNESS when I was making it through the first hours, days, weeks of sobriety. I stopped waiting for eventually to feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally. And with this decision, everything has changed for the better.

I am so grateful to be here, alive, and prioritizing myself for the sake of prioritizing myself - and knowing that I am now present enough to give myself in service to those around me and be a human that people can look to as dependable friend, family member, and safe adult.

The best thing that I have learned so far is that I am still Elise Ryan, a big advocate for not hiding your enthusiasm for things.

Today, I am enthusiastic for seeing my home team in the World Series and creating memories over the incredible game of baseball with my loved ones. And what a blessing to know my memories will be clear and strong.

Happy World Series Game One to my fellow Angelenos and baseball fanatics. Bringing a championship to this city once again with our team of immigrants, joyous clubhouse, and devoted fans would be one of the high points of 2025.

Prompt:

Make a playlist that feels like YOU. A come to heart center with some songs you wouldn’t feel like yourself without. Also throw some tunes in there that represent a new season for you. As well as something to hype you up to get through the next week.

Here is mine:

https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/return/pl.u-4JomG1mtm2PYbW

I am so grateful for my support system, and I’m thankful for the space to share my heart. Thank you for letting me share.

Talk next Friday!

Love,

Elise Ryan